Physiology 101
by hoarfrosted
Summary: Reimi Saionji's curiosity gets her an unwanted lesson in Eldarian endocrinology. Rated M for later chapters.
1. Mustard, Ketchup and Purple Onions

**Was looking for a good one of these pairings (by the way, it isn't EdgexReimi), couldn't find it; decided to type my own. No problem. Also, I don't claim this game.**

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"I can't believe we let _that_ guy join our team!" bellowed a disgruntled Captain Edge Maverick.

"Come on, Edge, I'm sure it was accident," Reimi Saionji, his trusted first officer and long-time companion, tried to console him. "Mistakes like that happen all the time on the battlefield, don't take it personally."

Even with her gentle strokes at his arm, the blonde man was still seething. He'd narrowly missed getting a limb lopped off– not once, but thrice–due to a certain gray-skinned Eldarian male.

Normally, he'd let silly little mishaps on the field like that pass without a second thought. Lymle burning off the spikes on his head with a stray fire bolt? Not a problem.

"Sorry 'bout that, Edgie…but your new hair looks really, really good, 'kay?" she'd said.

Bacchus destroying his Veinslay in an attempt to add more power to his own weapon? No big deal…though he didn't know how that was supposed to work, exactly, or why in the universe he'd agreed to it.

"A slight miscalculation in my own power capacitor; your sword may have been blah blah blah, blah blah, blah. I hope you can forgive me for this gross oversight in my outdated support mechanism's ability. I shall return to the ship at once and blah blah," he'd said…basically.

He knew accidents happened, and he was okay with it. No matter what, he knew his crew would come out on top in the end–albeit a bit worse for wear.

But things he knew were no mistake? That's what pissed him off.

Things like nearly having his arms amputated and being decapitated all in a four minute span–if he had to venture a guess at the time. Things like having a saber-toothed tiger getting kicked _right_ into his face, as if his head was some sort of blonde goal for some misbegotten Eldarian soccer. Things like using his back as a vault to slash at a harpy, and to make that scenario worse, miss.

There was no doubt in his mind that Arumat Thanatos was out to get him. That was the only possibility. It was most likely because the man found his new leader "worthless" and "foolish" and, of course, "capricious." Maybe he was jealous of Edge for being the obvious choice for leader. Even _more_ likely, it was Crowe trying to get an even farther lead in life by using the mercenary to postpone his golden opportunity to catch up to Crowe.

To Edge Maverick, the last sketch was the obvious choice.

"Oh please, Edge, are you really going to blame Crowe for THIS too?" Reimi gave him an irritated look and tapped her heels against the steel of the captain's quarter's floor, creating a small reverberation.

Wait, he'd said that out loud?

"I don't know, why else would the guy hate me? We just met two planets ago, and I haven't said five words to him," Edge huffed in frustration. He wasn't used to having ornery, uncooperative team members. He wasn't used to having his own team anyway. Maybe this was a test from Crowe, to see if he could really handle being a captain in the SRF. That bastard had no faith in his ability, as usual.

"You know Crowe wouldn't do that, stop being so paranoid," sighed his first officer. She was getting slight annoyed at his childish mistrust of Crowe.

Dammit.

"Besides, it's not just you he dislikes. He's been a bit cold to everyone lately," she gave his shoulder a light pat, as if that was all it would take to calm him down.

Edge crossed his arms and gave her a quizzical look. "Almost slicing off my arm is being 'a bit cold'?" 'A bit cold' is ignoring his attempts at light conversation, or scoffing at his skill in battle, or doing the opposite of whatever he ordered him to do. Slicing off his arm was absolute sub-zero.

Reimi looked away at a blank monitor. "Okay, maybe a bit more than cold. But I'm sure there's a reason for it, one that doesn't have to do with Crowe," she added as an afterthought.

Yeah, right.

Edge frowned at Reimi. She always tried to see the good people. It was sort of a pain at times, and he'd usually agree with her, but with his head at stake, he wasn't too inclined to go with her on this one. And he'd just thought of the most brilliant way to not get involved.

"Hmm…," Edge began to walk around his room, around Reimi, her following him with her eyes. "You know, Reimi, you're right," he said in an overly enthused tone.

Reimi's large chocolate eyes sparkled for a moment, before narrowing in suspicion. Since when was he so willing to admit he was wrong? Something about an Edge admitting his folly and walking around her looking toward the ceiling in an inquisitive manner–and trying much too hard at it–was enough to make anyone who knew him uneasy.

"I am?" she said, slightly apprehensive.

"Yes, I mean, you usually are, right?" he finally stopped his circling and stood in her questioning gaze, as well as in front of her only exit. "Especially when it comes to people and their emotions and feelings and that sort of thing, right?" He gave her a sly smirk, and that's when she figured it out what was going on in that shaggy head of his.

He wouldn't.

"Edge…," Reimi started unsteadily, backing toward the tightly sealed window in a futile attempt to break from his stratagem into the refuge of the Roakian plains. No such luck.

"And as such, I, as captain of this ship, the SRF-003 Calnus, in recognition of your…uh, _social_ abilities," Edge started the long speech with a few pauses, seeing as he was only copying from what he'd heard other captains say, "am here-by appointing you as our newest Inter-Company Relations…Specialist," he finished, crossing his arms with a confident nod.

Reimi looked at him, stunned for a moment, before her faced took on a scathing grimace and a frustrated blush, resembling an angry mandragora root. How dare he pass his social burden on to her? She already had enough work without trying to mediate all of his fraternal relationships.

"You can't do that, Edge! Just because you–," she began to rant, before a condescending finger tapped her small nose.

"Ah, ah, ah," Edge shook his head in a hopelessly infuriating way. "Captain's orders," he said with finality and strolled out of his room, his step much lighter, whistling a nameless, jaunty tune.

The newly appointed "Inter-Company Relations Specialist" seethed behind him as the door automatically shut, the room temperature rising a degree or two. There wasn't a thing she could do. Even if she was one of his closest friends, she was still under his order, and it enraged her to no end that he'd use his position to basically say, "Hey, fix my problems again."

It wasn't like she was on better terms with Arumat than he was, although he hadn't tried to slice her up yet. The thought that he might try scared her. Sure, she was athletic, she could probably dodge an attempt from most adversaries, but Arumat was anatomically altered to fight to the best of his ability. From what she observed in battle with him–observation, comprehension and translation, her ACTUAL duties–he was a physical_ and_ mental powerhouse; extremely strong, inhuman reflexes, adept at finding an opponent's weak-point, a more intimidating adversary than any of the grigori they'd faced so far.

If he decided he was annoyed with her probing at his psyche to find the root of his aggression, he could simple pull out that scythe of his and show her that it wasn't a good idea to try and have a therapy session with the self-proclaimed "Grim Reaper". Did Edge even know he was putting her life in danger in the stead of his? Jerk.

Reimi sighed, letting her residual irritation flow out. This wouldn't be a big deal. She was generally good with people. She'd held back Edge and Crowe from fighting numerous times; she was used to overflowing testosterone. She'd go in, ask what was up, and get out. No problem–which was what she'd like to believe.

She'd had little to no interaction with the man ever since he begrudgingly joined their little coalition, and even then, he wasn't acting as harsh as he was now. Maybe he had a splinter in his foot?

Nevertheless, Reimi had a job to do, a job that she should not have had to do, one she should force back on its owner. But one thing kept her from following "superior orders"; that silly little thing that led many a human to their demise. It wasn't stupidity, or love, or imprudent optimism, but curiosity.

Curiosity was the reason she ventured to find out more about a half-charred Federation Scientific Development Department document labeled _Project Hope_. Curiosity, along with her two boys, was the reason she took training courses for the first reconnaissance mission. Curiosity was the reason she fiddled with a defective comm.-link and singed her ear. And now, it would be the reason she was going to find out what was wrong with Arumat Thanatos.

Couldn't be worse that dealing with Deputy Director Shimada, right?

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I'll try my best to keep it up regularly. (8**


	2. Wings Conduct Dangerous Voltage

**Deadline-deadline~**

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While Reimi Saionji was combing through her abundance of brown tresses–something that she told herself _was not_ out of apprehension–she discovered that a chunk of adephaga exoskeleton was tangled quite nicely in her ponytail. After she finished this, she would definitely have to wash her hair over again.

Walking toward the stairs that led down to the recreational area, she spotted Sarah Jerand in her own little niche in the right corner, humming the same jaunty tune Edge had been spouting just earlier. No doubt he'd come this way. To the left was Bacchus D-79, the hulk muttering some calculations under his breath as he synced himself with the ship's navigational programming, making sure their route was correct.

The Calnus crew was heading to En II, per suggestion of Bacchus and Myuria, and Reimi was hoping against hope that they wouldn't experience another warp anomaly and find another planet for Edge to "destroy" and go into another funk over. She doubted Lady Eleyna could fix him twice.

The trip would take an estimated elapsed time of 68.6 hours, so she had plenty of time to confront the unhappy space camper. 'Excellent,' Reimi thought, a light puff of air escaping her lips. She had too much time to waste before she would enter an arduous battle for the fate of the evolution of the universe to stave off her little chat with Arumat.

'What am I saying?' she mentally berated herself for putting the danger of a universal battle after Arumat. She was being silly.

The tune of Sarah's uncommonly beatific voice floated into Reimi's head once more, giving her that treacherous inkling she couldn't get rid of. Shaking her head in mild distaste for herself, she approached the angelic being.

"Excuse me, Sarah?" Reimi started gently, knowing the feathered girl's peculiarities already. Though she'd tried her best not to, she still caused the featherfolk to jump slightly.

Sarah turned her wide eyes from her self-made alcove to face the brunette. "Oh dear, Reimi, you startled me quite a bit," chirped the redhead, tittering lightly and tilting her head to the side with a bashful smile. "I am ever so sorry if my humming annoyed you, but I could not help myself. Edge passed by but a little while ago whistling the same tune. It is very lovely, "she said wistfully.

Reimi's eyebrows rose to her unkempt bangs. "He had time to teach you the whole song?" How long had Reimi been lost in thought in the captain's quarters?

"Oh, no, no, I recalled a song of the same string from the enclaves of my birth. It varies just a tad, but it's still quite the jingle," she explained while adjusting her glasses.

"Wow, that's pretty amazing; a song from two different plants with the same basic melody? Someone must've been singing pretty loud, huh?" she questioned and shared a giggle with the other woman.

Reimi waited for the other girl's laughter to die down before starting, saying, "Actually, I just wanted to ask you something, Sarah." Reimi felt another surge of mirth as the featherfolk furrowed her brows in brows in concentration, ready to answer to the best of her ability.

"Have you…er, noticed Arumat acting a bit weird lately?" she said uncertainly. She didn't want to say the man had gone off his rocker and was shaking his cane, or scythe, at everyone. Reimi liked him somewhat, even though she didn't know him very well, like she liked all of her crewmates. She had things she things about them she didn't affirm too much as well, such as Myuria's flirty eyes to Edge, or the way Bacchus subtly demoted her intelligence by explaining things he thought she didn't have knowledge on, even though she knew he meant well.

She also didn't like when Meracle popped up out of nowhere and scared her have to death, then laughed at her and skipped off. It was so infuriating, sometimes she wished she would have had her bow on her person and accidentally shot the girl in a "battle instincts slip-up".

'"Error" my foot,' she thought wryly.

There was also the way Lymle asked for something to eat, had Reimi prepare it, and suddenly decided she wasn't hungry and simply stalked off without another word. She understood the girl had a few issues, being trapped in a demon realm and all, but really, was that necessary? And Reimi could never refuse the girl's sweet, yet somehow simultaneously emotionless, eyes.

'God, I always fall for that. And to think I had to prepare a three-layered macaroni cass-'

"Um, Reimi? Are you alright?"

Reimi was snapped out of her annoyance-induced reverie by Sarah's concerned crystal blue eyes. Apparently, during her mental ranting, her hand had balled into an angry fist that she held up in a threatening manner–which might have been the reason for Sarah's concern–and, by the heat she felt in it, she'd guess her face was flushed with irritation.

"Yeah, of course, Sarah. Sorry, just thinking about…clouds." She couldn't let the woman know that she was thinking of their friends in such a way. She didn't want to know about it herself.

"Ah, yes, I see, I see," Sarah said with a knowing nod. "Clouds make me very angry as well, especially those darn cumulus clouds." She demonstrated her rage by giving Reimi an "intense" glare and growling a bit. Not a menacing thing about it.

Reimi smiled. If there was one new companion she loved most, it was Sarah. She was almost perfectly the little sister or best friend she'd wanted when she realized that Ketchup and Mustard were really her only friends.

"Well, I do not think he has acted any different," the redhead said with a finger to her chin. "There was there was an instance a day or two ago when I was in the middle of this very hallway and could not remember my room, and he kindheartedly shoved me into the right room and continued on his merry way. His kindness was certainly unexpected." She tilted her head with a small pout.

Reimi smiled nervously at the girl. There was no point in telling her that he pushing her wasn't exactly an act of charity. She was determined to find the good in everyone's actions.

'I guess I can mark that down in the Aggressive Behavior list.' Though there was a chance it was just Arumat finding Sarah generally annoying. The two were polar opposites; an angel and a demon. It was a surprise that they could touch without creating a rip in their dimension or some sort of anomaly. It would be perfectly reason in that case.

"Well, that sure was nice of him," Reimi humored the angel with a soft nod. "Thanks for helping me out Sarah, I appreciate it." Reimi beamed as Sarah's eyes lightened up at doing a service.

"Oh, it was no trouble." Sarah bowed happily and returned the smile with equal radiance, renewing her humming as the markswoman bounced down the stairs that led to the recreation room.

Reimi was in good spirits after her small conversation with Sarah. It was hard to fall in bad spirits after talking to the girl. Now that her head was cleared of the dense, angry fog, she could clearly plan how to get Edge back for making her take on the task of handling his Arumat problem.

'Maybe I'll bake cookies for him and put celery in them. Nah, that's too childish, he'll be expecting that.' The first-officer pondered on many plans for revenge as her heels clicked against the chrome on the stairs.

Stuck in her vengeful musings, Reimi failed to notice a second pair of footsteps heading her way, though instead of the light clicks, this was a heavier thumping sound of a much heavier body than her own. The second pair of feet stopped, heeding the first pair, but the clicking continued, still unaware of the other pair.

Reimi had read a great deal of romance novels. From men who had braved every danger that stood in the path of their love, to stories of couples overcoming a grand social obstacle together, or silly high school romance books, Reimi had read them all. In some of those stories, when told in the woman's point of view, she would bump into something, causing her to fall back. But instead of meeting the floor, a warm, hard pair of arms caught her. How romantic was that?

And as Reimi smashed head first into a warm, solid object and fell back to meet to meet the hard ship floor, she could only think that this was where she'd get that moment. That moment that would make heat rise to her face and butterflies flutter wildly in her abdomen. Something she could giggle about with Sarah and Myuria.

It apparently wasn't her time. She realized this when her when her pseudo-leather-spandex –clad backside met the chrome and other various metals on the ship interior. Hard.

"Ow…," Reimi winced and rubbed her sore bottom; still unnoticing of the figure she'd bumped in to. When she did, however, turn her attention away from her throbbing backside, she saw her new mission standing as tall as he could be before her; almost looming over her.

Arumat Thanatos grayish lids closed and had a hand where Reimi's face had undoubtedly smashed into. He had a look of extreme concentration, she noted as she slowly moved to get up.

Frankly, she scared out of her wits. He was the LAST person she was hoping to run into, literally, seeing as she would have no excuse not to complete her mission when she did. There was also the fact that he was in very unhappy mood, and she had almost bowled him. She also didn't have a single plan for figuring out how to complete her task.

When Reimi had gained her balance, dusting herself off a bit, she looked back to Arumat and found his intense, animalistic eyes automatically on hers, fixing her with a pinning stare. She was sure she was sweating a little, like a prey that'd been cornered by its predator, ready to be eaten alive. As such, she stood still, her survival training coming in to place and telling her to stay stalk still and not make any sudden movements, otherwise upset the beast.

Eons passed as he stared at her unflinchingly, her meeting his gaze. After a few more moments passed, he let out a snort and decided to voice whatever he was mulling over.

"If this had been the battlefield, you'd have been slaughtered," and with that morbid statement, he continued along his original path, brushing her aside with a low growl to clear the way toward the staircase. "Keep your eyes open next time."

When his thumps had finally disappeared, Reimi Saionji finally started to breathe again.

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**Is featherfolk a species or a race? Want to make sure my capitalization is right. Also, what material ARE Reimi's shorts made out of? Answers would be greatly appreciated. =)**


End file.
